The 5th commandment is “Honor thy father and thy mother.” It is about more than obeying your folks. It invoives showing respect, love, and care for parents, regardless of age or circumstances. It’s the first commandment with a ‘promise.’ You fulfill it and you will benefit. God will bless you if you honor your parents.
Ernest Lee interacts with a lot of seniors. Some are retired- others are working, but most have the same comment: “My kids don’t respect me. They don’t interact with me. They don’t communicate with me. They act like I am a burden to them and it pains them to have to visit me.” That is not only sad- it is sinful.
The Hebrew word for honor means to be heavy, hard, burdensome. The Greek word means to set the value of. That means honoring can be hard! As we grow up, we become more independent, and our relationship with our parents’ changes. A good parent will have taught their kids to be independent- financially and otherwise. They will have taught their offspring to flee the nest and to make it on their own. They will not cling to their child, interfere in their marriage and parenting, or try and keep them under their authority. They will recognize their work is done and launch their child into the world. Their responsibilities and authority change, but they don’t disappear. Parents should provide wise counsel when asked. Children should seek counsel from their parents. Here are some of Ernest Lee’s thoughts on the 5th commandment:
First, ignoring is not honoring. Neglecting to check on parents because of a busy schedule is sinful. God won’t bless that mess! Both parents and kids should make an intentional effort to communicate. When men in the ministry ignore their parents, those they lead notice. Their kids notice. Sadly many will reap what they have sown.
Second, the past is the past. Some kids may not honor their parents because they focus on the shortcomings of their parents and not their strengths. Their memories of their parents may not be pleasant. They wrongly believe they get a pass because their parent didn’t do everything right. Focusing on responsibility and not playing the victim is a better strategy. Ernest Lee’s buddy John Piper preached a sermon about that. Here’s a link:
https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-can-i-honor-my-parents-if-i-dont-respect-them
Third, it reflects your heart. How we respect and treat our parents is a direct expression of how we honor God. By honoring our father and mother, we learn to better honor our Heavenly Father. Showing compassion, concern and geniune love toward aged, elderly parents is right.
As people age, their bodies wear out, they get cranky, mean, opinionated and generally are a pain to be around. They are slow of foot and often of mind. Visiting them is not like a pleasant round of golf or tennis. They repeat themselves. They forget things, but a believer has a responsibility to honor their parents. It’s one of God’s Top Ten.
Ernest Lee’s late seminary buddy, Adrian Rogers addresses this subject very well in this 1 minute clip:
Ernest Lee Contendin 